2013 - Happy Moments

Ice Fight and Fireworks

Picnics and Picking Flower

Aromas Coffee and the Old Market

Bonfires and Stars

Gourmet Hot Chocolate

Cinnamon Rolls and Encouragement

Picking up Coffee and Painting

Peaches and Summer Walks

Pistachios and Frozen Yogurt

Wishing Wells and Roller Coasters

Hugs and Heartfelt Talks

Blaring Music and Sunshine

Funnel Cakes and Muddy Rivers

Pie and Reading

Shopping and Monsters University

Summer Evening Walks and Life Talks

Pizza and Ice Cream and Pedestrian Bridge

Casual Coffee and Relaxed Smiling

Spices and Tea 

Shopping and Monsters University

Oceanside and Cheese and Apples

Niagra Falls Mist

Pie Irons and Panoramas

Donuts and Hay Rides

Ice Cream and Sparkling Grape Juice

Hard Lemonade and Spinning(?) Chairs

Sweet Old People and Summer Slushies

Pillow Fights and Comfortable Silence

Hot Pizza and Slicing Apples

Ferris Wheels and Funnel Cakes

Dodgeballs and Coffee and 40’s and Exploring

Frisbee in the Summer Rain

Hot Chocolate and Candles

Stripes and Boba Smoothies

Accordions and Big Sweaters

Felt Hats and Puppy Chow

"Road Trip" by Myself :)

Lake Michigan Shore and New Friends

Kayaking in the Sun

Long Phone Conversation while Driving

Movie Theater and Walk through LeMars

Starbucks and Storms

Fancy Dresses and Fireplace

Sitting on the Kitchen Floor with Coffee

bits and pieces

walking up the hill toward perfection

I know we'll never arrive, but

we're adding memories to our collections

we're doing more than, more than survive

the sun doesn't rise

it leaps

the stars don't fall

they dive

let's not just politely nod and live,

Let's Run, Laugh, Thrive

1.3.13

driving through

low clouds

flashes of white

like we're

flying

You

brought the sky

down to me

and made me smile

8.30.13

it's the morning's

golden hour

dew washed windows

sparkling grass

and

shining trees

and I,

I'm sitting here

in the calm beauty

making coffee stains on envelopes

and hugging my knees

wondering

how can life be

so madly

beautiful

when there is

so

much

pain.

9.3.13

reasonable service

I will run the course of Your commandments,
For You shall enlarge my heart.
Psalm 119:32

   During an Olympic "Pressing on" themed week, it's interesting that this verse ended my devotions the first morning of camp. At the time I just caught on to the last phrase and prayed for an open heart, but now it hits me how well the whole verse captures the repetitive thought and feel of that week: Running the course of God's commands. Running the race of faith. A heart that's open to serving others.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.
Romans 12:1

   Holy and acceptable to God. Following His commands. That's reasonable. That's not too much to ask.

   I'm pretty much terrible at summarizing events really well with a neat and tidy essay of what I learned, but I would use those two verses as the keys to a lot of my thoughts.

 
   But I think everything I really took away from Joni and Friends were all things I learned from watching others.

• Christ centered
  
  Not self focused. Being self-centered is the sin I've been seeing most in myself the past few months.
  So many people at Camp Joni were the opposite of this. Even in the small things. They'd walk by me during the middle of the day, say hello, and ask, "How is your day going?" when they were definitely the ones who had the harder job of both of us.
  They weren't trying to, but every time they'd ask me how I was doing it was a guilty reminder that I had only really been thinking about myself and hadn't thought to ask them the same question.
  
  Also, I don't know for sure, but possibly one of the reasons it was good for me to be in the Sib Program instead of having a camper was that if I had a camper I probably would have been a lot more focused on what I was doing and how "much" I was giving instead of looking at the situation thinking, "Well God, I really don't feel like I'm doing much of anything right now. So please use this small, small situation (in my eyes) and work through me anyway, even in something that doesn't seem like it's making a big difference."
  
  
  
  
  
  
  I think sometimes it takes more of God's grace to serve in small ways. To notice the small things, to be willing to do them for the right reasons, not for the recognition.
  
  It's easier in many ways to go on a mission trip to a different country than it is to go weed the garden right after breakfast when you have a list of things you'd been planning to do instead.
  
  
  
  
  

• Prayer
  
  I was so impressed by all the prayer during Camp Joni. First in the tour where we stopped every so often and prayed for safety during the week. During the "commission" time before the families came. And to top it off, the end where Liz wanted to pray with us before we left.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Praying with people is special. I think it'd be way more meaningful if someone is going through a hard time, if we stop the conversation and what we're doing right there and offer to pray with them. Not just say quickly, "I'll try to be praying for you guys."
  
  I don't realize how important and special prayer is, but I got a small taste, and I want more.
  
• Reaching out to people
  
  Introvert, extrovert, or not... I want to be able to have Christ's love shining through me. And I want to be able to forget about myself (again, with the self-centered part) enough to be able to focus on others and what their needs are. To be able to make people feel at ease, too. To have them feel Christian love and fellowship and want that.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  While I was with some of the people there, I couldn't really believe that I had just met them in the last few days.
  Seriously, if you had asked me to bet money on the fact that I hadn't known them a week earlier, I would have had a tough time doing that. My brain said I just met them, my heart said, "You've known these people forever." They were my family.
  

• Not judging personality on looks
  
  It's easy to have compassion for people who are disabled or just different if they are cute kids or good looking.
  It's hard when they can't focus their eyes or control movements. But sometimes they are family too. God's children. And my discomfort being around them or unwillingness to serve them is like saying, "They don't matter." But they do.
  
  
  Give me Your eyes, that I may love the broken and the ugly - (the ones who are probably more humble then I am.) The ones who worship with less pride then I do. The ones who You gave Your life for - may I give my life as a sacrifice to You by serving them.
  
  Enlarge my heart, let me see with new eyes. Give me strength to run the course of Your commands. Give me strength and a willing heart to give my all for You by letting go of all my selfishness and pride.
  
  
  
  
  

memories on wood

Just one picture this time, but don't really need more then that. This is my birthday gift for Dad- graduation picture of me getting my diploma. :) One of my fave pics of Dad and I. 

I followed this straightforward pinterest picture tutorial, and it really worked *super* I wonder how it would work with a colored picture; our printer only prints in b&w, so I probably won't have the chance to find out. The gel-medium was more expensive then I would have liked, but there's plenty left for a lot more of these. :)

The wood plaque was from Hobby Lobby (favorite craft store, guys. ever.) and if I remember right it was only around $3.

Aaaaaanyway. Not much interesting to say about this really. I LOVE IT though, and show it to everyone who's name isn't Dad. :)

Book of Notes - Christmas Gifts #1

     I don't think Sha'rel reads my blog, so this should be fairly safe. SHA'REL, DON'T READ THIS POST. There.

     So here we dive in- Christmas gifts! I have a couple finished ones that I might share over the course of December. :)

     Gift Number One: to Sha'rel, my friend of Whole-Life.

     Book of Notes.

     As of now I am using a hairtie to keep the thing shut, but it'll turn into a ribbon or so later on.

     Stuffed.

     I must have confused blogger; it uploaded half these horizontals as verticals. Here's a little peek of what's inside. :) Left page: memory. Right page: Valentine her siblings gave me.

     Left page: memory. Right page: Coloring page she gave me.

     Making this book for someone would be pretty hard to do most of the time; I didn't want to use any letters really, but I didn't have a billion pictures to fill the pages with... so I used a lot of different pictures we drew and little notes or stories we had written.  This page: Old pictures of us & our "old sayings".

     Throw in a little bit of random, some colorful markers, a couple of in-jokes, some new notes/letters from me, and there you go... A scrapbook/book of notes as a Christmas gift!

dishes

      I stand by the sink, sweater sleeves rolled up. Yesterday's hair falls around my shoulders as I scrub the grease off a glass pan.

      Nathanael sits across from me and forks another piece of caramel covered bread into his mouth. A steady stream of water slips down the left drain.

      "Women are like pans." Nathanael sips his milk, white dripping down the side of the orange cup.

      "Oh?" I raise an eyebrow and lean the pan against other drying dishes. "And how is that?"

      "You washed it in one sink and then the other sink again. And girls wash their hair twice." Nathanael kicks a foot against his chair.

      I pull the drain and watch the water as the inches drop. "Hm," I said.

miracle.

damp air and city traffic
feet touching the grass
rhythm of a creaking swing
and weeping willow branches
drifting in the breeze
words of gravity, sorrow
silently seeking answers
in my mind
and finding none
hoping you found comfort
with your hand in mine

face down
pain in my heart
head in my hands and
lying on the floor
pleading, begging, please
how many times I asked
I don’t remember

then

such happiness, excitement
maybe, maybe, maybe
hoping
your playing was holding back a grin
my mind held back assumptions
but I was right
everyone around me cheered but
I could only choke on tears of wonder
sobbing thankful joy
amazement,
miracle

waiting
knowing you would come
we met almost running
spinning around
happiest day
too glad for words

but

scared
desperate for help
for prayers
desperate for everything
to be okay
nothing was right
worried doubts, fears
tears just by trying to talk
and choked with despair
the end, the end

but it was alright

waiting
longest day
apprehensive heart beat
biggest smile
no one would understand
then her beautiful name
overwhelming joy
again

inside the hospital
followed you upstairs
past smiling nurses
anticipation
you opened the door
something
someone in your arms
her mouth open in sleep
mine was parted in wonder
you asked who wanted
to hold her
cut off your question in eagerness
I do
so light, so perfect
I held her in my arms and smiled
and tried
but not very hard
not to cry
she opened her eyes and squinted
and I laughed and watched her
holding the moment
and putting it away in my heart
to save
forever


(Happy first birthday.)

Uncle Wilbur

2001

I peeled the bright sticker from it's backing, and the stiff edge slid underneath my fingernails. 

"Here," I said, and laughed shyly.

The man with white hair leaned down toward me, and my toes held me up as I reached toward his cap. I pressed the shiny sticker onto the blue front and rested back on my heels.

"Perfect," he said, patting the tip of his hat. "That's just right."

2002

He lifted the faded cap off his head. "See?" he said to me. "It's still here." His voice sank to a conspiratorial whisper. "My wife wants to wash it, but then it'll come off." 

He pointed to the peeling edges of the rainbow colored sticker. "It's still there!" he said again to assure me, and I nodded happily.

2004

I stood taller, shyer, and listened as he said goodbye to them. My teeth bit the edge of my lips, until he looked at me and smiled.

"The sticker came off," he said regretfully, and I nodded.

"That's okay," I said. He remembered!

"I tried to stick it back on," he explained, "but it wouldn't stay."

I ran to the van, scrambling back into my row. I yanked out my bag, rummaging wildly between the books and paper. There they are. I jumped out of the van and spied his retreating figure walking up the hill with his cane. I ran to catch up, pulling to a stop beside him.

"Here," I said, and laughed happily as I pushed the yellow sticker onto his brown cap.

2007

I sat next to his lawn chair on the porch.

"I have hot chocolate," he said, smiling. "Do you like hot chocolate?"

"Yeah," I said, laughing.

"I like it when there's marshmallows in it," he said in a confiding voice. "The little soft ones, that when you swallow they go down like--" he tilted his neck down and gulped dramatically as he popped up his head, and he made me laugh again.

I looked out at the sunlit lawn. "I think we have to go," I said, standing slowly and looking at his bare cap and plaid shirt.

Leaning over, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. As I let go, he sat forward and kissed my cheek with his smiling mouth. "That's a peck," he said. "A peck on the cheek." He squeezed my hand with his rough brown one.

"Here," I said, and laughed softly as I kissed his cheek and said goodbye.